How Do You Let a Friend Know You Dont Want to Hang Out Anymore

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Saying "no" sucks. It is difficult to let people downwardly, particularly friends, because relationships are maintained by implicit norms of reciprocity. When your friend extends an invitation to yous, he is giving something to you lot (a run a risk to spend time together, to grow closer, etc.); if you plough him down it tin feel similar yous are letting him down, or like yous are not reciprocating.^[1] However, you can't ever expect to say "yes" every time your friend wants to brand plans. It is important, though, to say no in a certain manner, and with certain things in mind, if maintaining the friendship is important to yous.

1. one

   Think, you accept a right to say no. Just considering someone asks you to do something does not mean you are obligated to practice it. If they desire to do something with you lot only you don't want to do something with them, they shouldn't go their way over you; what you lot want matters, as well.^[two]

2. 2

   Don't autumn for a guilt-trip. Some friends can exist pushy and will try to convince you to hang out even afterwards you have said that you tin't. Proceed house in your decision by re-iterating your reasons for why y'all cannot attend. ^[three]

   • To keep it friendly you can (if applicable) try joking effectually almost the last time you asked your friend to exercise something and he said no. This will remind him that he has turned down your plans before, besides, so he especially shouldn't be trying to guilt you into doing something.

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3. three

   Remind yourself you lot aren't responsible for your friend'due south reaction. As long as you offer a sincere apology and do your part to maintain the friendship, you are not responsible for how your friend reacts to your turning down his plans.^[4]

   • Ultimately, it is up to him how he decides to respond to your refusal to hang out. Keep that in mind if y'all are feeling downward most your determination to plough him down.^[5]
   • Endeavour non to be agape of how your friend will react. Once again, equally long as you are doing your part to exist a good friend, you don't have to make plans with your friend every fourth dimension he wants. If he reacts really negatively to your turning him down, perhaps he isn't the best friend to take effectually. Keeping that in mind should aid alleviate your fear of his reaction.^{[half dozen]}

4. 4

   Remember your time is limited. You tin't do everything that everyone wants all the time, even for your friends. Y'all have other commitments and responsibilities. Sometimes in life there are things that demand to be done that are more important than socializing, such as working hard to become more financially stable, and so you shouldn't feel too bad if you can't make plans.^[vii]

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1. 1

   Think about compromising. If you don't desire to hang out with your friend considering they suggested something that you do non want to practise or that you don't have fourth dimension to do (e.one thousand., hanging out the entire weekend), endeavor compromising. Yous could let your friend know that you lot desire to make plans but can't do the particular program he suggested.^[8]

   • For example, if he wants to spend the whole weekend together but you're but free on Saturday, try suggesting something y'all both similar to do that could be washed on a Saturday.
   • Is at that place a new movie out that you both desire to come across? That's one thought for a compromise; going to the movies can be fun and only takes a few hours.

2. 2

   Apologize. Tell your friend that you are sorry that you can't make plans this fourth dimension. Exist sure to offer a sincere apology if maintaining the friendship is important to you.

   • To offering a sincere apology, don't breeze past it; accept your time maxim sorry and give your friend your full attention when you lot are speaking.
   • Hither is an example of how to sincerely apologize to your friend: "I'grand really sad, I'd love to make plans with yous but I simply really can't this fourth dimension. Again, sorry well-nigh that just let's re-visit this shortly so we can piece of work something else out."

3. 3

   Give a reason. If the reason is something you feel comfortable sharing with your friend (i.eastward., it is not too personal), exist certain to let him know why you can't make plans this time.

   • If you do not wish to share the reason, you tin can employ something more vague such as "I'thousand simply really swamped this weekend" or "my life is a bit crazy correct now then I tin can't this weekend" or "thanks for the invite, and sorry, but I just really need some lone time to recuperate this weekend".
   • Whatever you do, if you lot are going to give a specific alibi, make sure information technology is legitimate to avert looking like a liar or a scrap.^[9]
   • Examples of legitimate excuses include you already having other plans, you existence decorated with something else in your life, and y'all being very tired from the week and needing some down time or solitary time.

4. 4

   Avoid giving too many excuses. If you lot are letting your friend know why yous can't make plans with him, keep it concise. Don't requite a bunch of excuses; this will just go far seem like you are not existence genuine. Ane sincere apology and 18-carat alibi should be enough. If you lot have tons of things going on yous can just say that.^[10]

5. 5

   Be polite. Go on it cordial when saying no, even if you are busy and don't want to accept a conversation about hanging out. No one likes to be rejected, even with something pocket-size similar being turned down by a friend; it can sting a piddling sometimes. ^[xi]

   • To be polite, follow-up by telling your friend to have a adept time if he goes ahead with the plans without yous. Ask him to allow you lot know how information technology goes.
   • You tin also effort offer a suggestion for another common friend he could bring along instead; this will make it articulate that you lot desire him to have a good time and intendance about the friendship, and that you simply can't make it this particular time.

6. vi

   Avoid being wishy-washy. Say no firmly and definitely so that it is clear that you lot cannot practice what your friend wants. If y'all give 'on the debate' answers similar "I'll try to exist there" or "I'll run across; remind me afterwards" when you lot know you lot don't want to practice, you leave your friend on the claw.^[12]

   • Leaving a friend on the hook when yous know that you lot don't desire to hang out is selfish; what if he wanted to make other plans but couldn't until yous gave your last respond?

7. 7

   Purchase yourself fourth dimension, if yous need it. While you shouldn't be wishy-washy if you lot know you lot can't or don't want to hang out, if you genuinely aren't sure yet, purchase yourself sometime by request whether you can get back to your friend shortly.^{[xiii] [fourteen]}

   • Be specific on when would exist the latest that you would go dorsum to him. Also, to be polite, since y'all are unsure whether you can hang out, tell your friend that yous sympathize if he needs to brand other plans if he doesn't hear dorsum from you shortly.

8. 8

   Offer a follow-up plan. If you don't want to make plans based on what he invited you to practice, offer a follow-up plan. Get something penciled in for when you are less decorated, otherwise your schedule may make full again and y'all will have to say no again.

   • For example, if yous are busy the weekend he wants to become hiking, ask if y'all can go hiking next weekend instead. If maintaining the friendship is important to you, be sure to make that articulate to your friend.

9. 9

   Endeavor sandwiching your "no" betwixt 2 "yeses". If your friend does not take your turning his plans down well, you can try to preempt this by placing two "yeses" between your saying no to his plans.^[xv]

   • For instance, if he wants to go hiking with you on the weekend you might say "thanks for inviting me; I'm glad we're friends, nosotros do a lot of fun stuff together, but I can't brand it hiking this weekend. I'thou definitely into the idea though; let'south become a different weekend when I'thousand less busy, instead?"

10. 10

    Try using empathic assertion. Put yourself in your friend'due south shoes and think about your friendship and the chat you are having from his perspective. Permit him know that you sympathise that he wants to have a adept time, merely that you only can't hang out this time.^[xvi]

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1. 1

   Get yourself distance. Some friends can exist aggressive or pushy about making plans. Perchance your friend gets angry when you don't practise exactly what he says, or tries repeatedly to become you to change your mind. In cases like this information technology tin can be best to create some distance betwixt making a decision.^[17]

   • For example, if your friend calls y'all to make plans and is pressuring yous, attempt saying that you lot need to go but will get back to him later on.

2. ii

   Say no through a medium you are most comfortable with. If yous detect yourself caving more into doing things you don't want to in person, try giving your final answer through a text bulletin or other similar form of advice where your pushy friend can't so effectively be and so pushy.

   • If he tries calling right away, you do non demand to respond his call; it is adequate to tell him that you cannot talk on the phone at the moment.

3. 3

   Try writing a script. If you find yourself giving into peer pressure when your friend gets pushy or aroused, effort writing out what y'all will say in advance. Write out the reasons why you lot can't or don't want to brand plans, and look them over and then that you call up them. This way, if your friend gets pushy, y'all volition be less likely to forget that you lot really don't want to make plans.^[18]

   • When writing your script, call back about past conversations with your friend where y'all gave in. Endeavour to remember how he acted or what he said that fabricated you lot brand plans despite y'all not wanting to.
   • For example, if in the past he has said that you never say yes to his plans, you could write a script where you re-iterate the concluding few times that you did hang out together to evidence him that his claim is not true. By planning with a script, if he tries using the same tactics on you once more, you will be ready to defend yourself.

4. 4

   Say no firmly then change topics. If your friend continues to pressure you, effort maxim that you tin can't brand his plans with some firmness in your voice. Afterward you lot say no firmly, alter the topic of chat then he gets the hint that y'all are done with the conversation.^[19]

   • For example, if your friend has repeatedly asked you to go out to dinner on the weekend y'all could say "I already said I really can't go, simply thank you for the invite. By the way, did you see [insert some movie here]? What did y'all think?"
   • Try reminding your friend that people have unlike personalities and time constraints and that some people like to hang out more than than others or do certain things that others don't enjoy. Try letting your friend know that y'all will make plans whenever you lot experience that you lot can, simply that when you say no, y'all mean it, and it isn't OK for him to try to pressure you or to get aroused when yous say no.

5. 5

   Tell your friend not to be pushy. If nothing else works, yous tin endeavour telling your friend direct that y'all feel pressured to do things that you do not want to do and it is putting a strain on your friendship.

   • For instance, you might say, "look, I value our friendship but sometimes I feel similar you lot endeavor to force me into doing things I can't (or don't want to) do. This makes me feel like you don't value my perspective and my time constraints. I will admittedly make plans with y'all when I can, but sometimes I just tin can't, so it would be great for both of us, I think, if you didn't go angry when I say I tin't hang out."

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Add New Question

• Question

  What should I exercise if my friend won't terminate calling me and my parents, and he knocks on the door multiple times, even after I have said no?

  

  Ask your parents to speak to his parents. If he won't have no for an respond, information technology'due south all-time to go the adults involved.

• Question

  My friend and I were going to be something together this Halloween. Nosotros planned it and everything. I just found out I have other plans. How can I tell her that?

  

  Say that you're extremely sorry, merely that you lot completely forgot virtually this other engagement. Ask if there's any way yous can go far upward to her.

• Question

  What if my friend only invites me to do things I don't want to do/can't practise, but won't accept my reasons behind this?

  

  Cutie Cat

  Community Respond

  Tell her that you are unable/uninterested in doing what she wants to do. Tell her it's nothing personal, y'all similar hanging out with her, but this activity is just not your thing. If she'due south a good friend, she'll understand and hold to exercise something else with you. If not, she might not be a very skilful friend. A real friend volition be willing to compromise and won't pressure you into doing something you lot don't want to do.

• Question

  What practice I exercise if my friend no longer wants to be my friend equally a outcome?

  

  If you had a legitimate reason for non making plans, then your friend may be likewise demanding or sensitive. Even so, friends ought to compromise on what they practice together. If y'all find yourself oft fugitive making plans with your friend or cancelling, you should enquire yourself why. Being a good friend requires attempt.

• Question

  Okay, but what if it isn't a friend? Because every commodity I have read and so far is about rejecting the offer of a friend, which is relatively easy. What if I don't want to hang out with someone e'er?

  

  That's fashion easier than bailing on a friend. With a friend, you don't want to ruin your human relationship past beingness hateful so sometimes you're forced to make plans with someone only to be overnice. However, don't be too rude just because the person doesn't affair to y'all, just brand up an excuse and if they proceed to ask yous, tell them you're not interested and apologize.

• Question

  What do I do if I invited a friend somewhere but now no longer want her to come?

  

  Keep in mind that any way you go about this is probable to cause injure feelings, so if possible, you should really only let her come up along. If y'all admittedly cannot practise this, just tell her that you've decided you'd rather do the affair alone instead, or that you decided you're not going to practice whatever it is after all. But again, if she finds out you're lying, she'south going to be really hurt.

• Question

  I desire to come across up with a friend later on a long time and desire just the two of usa to hang out lonely. I constitute out that another practiced friend is too joining. How do I say no to her nicely?

  

  Tom De Backer

  Top Answerer

  You lot take to discover a style to offering her a graceful exit, without causing acrimony, bitterness or loss of face. It will take some tact on your office. I would simply take the current plans and hang out as a trio, because it'south difficult to push someone out of an arrangement already made. Withal, I would mention to both of them that you absolutely do look forward to seeing your quondam friend lonely soon.

• Question

  My friends desire me to go to cadets with them. I've agreed to visit, but I think they want me to bring together upward, and I really don't want to. How practise I tell them politely "no"?

  

  You do just that. Thank them for wanting to include you, express your appreciation of their dedication and skills, but explain that information technology's just not for you lot.

• Question

  What if you experience bad and blow them off every time they ask to make plans with you lot?

  

  Y'all are going to have to make a choice; either kickoff actually going at to the lowest degree i of each 3 times you go invited somewhere, or understand that you will cease being asked at all and may lose a friend.

• Question

  A co-worker and I planned to share a hotel room for a quondam co-worker's wedding. Now a tertiary co-worker wants to share the room, merely we don't want to share with her. She is extremely pushy. What should we do?

  

  Just tell her you don't want to share. You should just exist direct upward and tell her that she is pushy and she needs to non exist pushy if she wants to share the hotel room.

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• Don't be rude when proverb no!

• Make certain that you hang out with them in one case in a while. They will take it personally if y'all never hang out with them.

• As long as y'all know deep down that you lot are a good friend, information technology is ultimately up to your friend to decide how he reacts to your turning downward his plans.

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• Don't prevarication. It will always take hold of upwards with you.

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Article Summary X

To tell your friend you don't want to make plans without pain their feelings, give them a reason why you tin't make it, such equally having an engagement or being grounded. If you lot don't have a reason, make up an alibi, like, "Sorry, I can't. I'm actually busy this weekend," or "I wish I could only I've got a lot of things going on right now." Alternatively, offering another time to hang out when you're gratuitous by proverb, "That sounds great, but I'm busy so. How about the week subsequently?" Endeavor to avoid giving vague answers, similar, "I'll try to be there," or "I'll encounter closer to the time," since this might misfile your friend. For more tips, including how to deal with a friend who's beingness pushy about hanging out, read on!

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